A Big Brother's Weight
by Midnight Rose Princess
Summary: One night, Raphael overhears a lecture between Leonardo & Splinter. Confusion about what he hears from his older brother press him to try and understand the brother he so often forgets is behind the role of leader. 1st TMNT fanfic! Rated T to be safe.
1. Overheard

**Title:** Big Brother's Weight

**Author: **MidnightRosePrincess

**Summary: **One night, Raphael overhears a lecture between Leonardo & Splinter. Confusion about what he hears from his older brother press him to try and understand the brother he so often forgets is behind the role of leader.

**Warning: **This is a regular brotherly fic. But if you're a Turtlecest fan, then I guess you could interpret it like that in a way, depending on your perspective. I'm not really into Turtlecest that much, so don't expect kissing or other 'actions' in the fic. Of course, I'm not offending anyone who is, and if you read this fic and you are a TCest fan, tell me what you think about it anyway (except don't flame me). I just see them as the coolest group of brothers ever and that's all they need to be for me.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own TMNT and I never will. They belong to Laird and Eastman, as well as other copyright holders (IGN for the 4th movie).

**Midnight's Note: **This holds elements from the 4th movie, the old 90's live-action ones, and the 2003 series. I know most fans didn't like the movie, mostly b/c of the plot (which, I agree, is pretty lame. Stars lining up with some big bads? Kinda cliché, right? But the drama was good.) The only thing I really liked about it was of course the drama between Leo and Raph. Now, I don't like how cocky and arrogant they portrayed Leo as, but I did like how it showed the burden of leadership he carries. The one thing I hate about the movie more than the plot though is how freakin' HARSH they made Splinter! When the 2003 version sent Leo away to Japan, he was considerate of how Leo needed it and didn't want to. In the live-action, he's the perfect father figure, considerate of all of his sons. But in the 4th movie *growl* everything's Leo's fault, orders him sternly to do something instead of giving him advice, barely reacting sorry when Leo's captured, etc., So in this fic I made him more like the 2003 and live-action version, b/c that seriously angered me. Anyway, just so you know, all I have at the moment is WordPad, which doesn't check spelling, but if there are mistakes, I'll revise it later. That's all, so on with the fic!

* * *

**Chapter 1: Overheard**

Raphael found himself behind a pillar outside the dojo area in his family's lair. His two younger brothers had gone to bed after Splinter dismissed them from training, while asking Leonardo to stay behind. Raphael had left the dojo, but stayed close by to hear what the lecture would be about. He'd noticed Leonardo had seemed off during the exercises and katas, so there was little doubt that Master Splinter was going to discuss it in this lecture. However, Raphael had the feeling that something else was going on with Leonardo and had decided to stay behind and listen in on the conversation.

"You're distracted, my son," Splinter said.

Raphael heard Leonardo sigh. "I know, Sensei. I'll do better tomorrow. I've just-I've had a lot of things on my mind," he said, sitting down with a soft thud from his shell.

"What sort of things?" Splinter asked.

"No offense Father," Leonardo said, "But I think you won't believe me or else get angry at me or hate me if I told you, so I'd rather not say."

Raphael blinked. Had his brother just said no to Master Splinter? That was a rare, if never seen, occurrence.

"Leonardo, there is nothing on this earth that can make me hate one of my sons, including you," Splinter said. "And that you think I would tells me it is very serious to address." Splinter paused to see if Leonardo would tell him, but Leonardo was still reluctant. "You know, my son, there is a saying that says 'Should a man carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, he will be crushed by the weight,'" Splinter said reassuringly.

Leonardo sighed, giving in. "The truth is... I'm just so tired of everything!" the blue-clad turtle said, gaining some volume in his voice.

"Please explain," Splinter said, trying to understand his son's meaning.

Leonardo gave a slight huff of frustration. "It's just-the truth is-fine, I'll say it. I hate being leader, Master!"

Raphael almost jumped at the small outburst, which of course Leonardo had kept his voice down in saying so as to not wake what he thought were all three of his sleeping brothers. _What the shell?_ Raphael thought, utterly confused.

Leonardo continued, "I know that I'm the oldest and, honestly, the best-suited for it, but that doesn't mean I like it. I know my brothers think leading is great, but the price I pay for it makes me wish I wasn't the leader or the oldest!"

_Price? What the shell is he talking about? _Raphael wondered, now straining his ears to hear.

"I'm sick and tired of my brothers resenting me for being in charge!" Leo said, standing up without noticing. "I know it's my job to protect them and be there for them and I would always do that even if I wasn't the oldest- they're my brothers and I don't want them to get hurt. But being leader puts me so far from them that I don't even think they know who Leonardo is anymore, just their 'Fearless Leader.' And that's another thing, I can't stand these terms they give me!"

The red-clad turtle listening felt a pang of guilt in his heart. 'Fearless Leader' was the nickname-no, term, it had ceased being a nickname when it had been said with contempt-he had given Leonardo.

"'Fearless Leader' would usually be a very honorable nickname, especially coming from my younger brothers. But the fact they think it's true, that I don't have any fear at all and that I'm just the leader, is what makes it unbearable. They don't realize how dangerous and cruel Central America could be at times. I've seen some things there I'd rather forget. I'm not even going to go into that 'jungle boy' comment. And then, there's the one you'd expect, Splinter Junior. I'm sorry Master, but..." Leonardo trailed off, tired from his ranting and not wanting to insult Master Splinter.

"I understand. You are a very dedicated student due to your desire to protect your brothers and this family," he said, implying to their human companions. "I'm very proud of you. Thus, I can see why your brothers may look at you, as for how our human allies put it, a 'teacher's pet.'"

"I'm a mess, Father," Leonardo admitted. "In the jungle, when it was peaceful, I could relax and just be myself. Well, as much as I can be without my brothers safe beside me, and now..." Leonardo sighed, "I just feel so, so... out of touch all the time."

Splinter sighed, "Forgive me for not noticing how much the burden of being leader was to you, my son. In that I have failed now once as a father to you."

"No, Father, that's not-" Leonardo started.

Splinter cut him off, "However, I must let you know that you are Leonardo, and no one else. You are yourself, for any person, ninja or not, must be at accept every part of themselves before they can be accepted by others in the way they wish to be." Splinter paused and let Leonardo think on his words before continuing. "Which is why, as of this moment, you won't be training unless it's meditation for the next week."

"What?" Leonardo asked, shocked just as much as Raphael was outside of the dojo. "Sensei, I may dislike being leader at times, but that doesn't mean I hate training!"

"I'm well aware of that," Splinter said, "But you are out of balance. Only when you are in balance can you use your weapons with their full potential. That said, I won't take them away, but do not use them in case of an emergency. Something that is unlikely since the city is unusually quiet for the time being."

Leonardo sighed, knowing he couldn't change his master's decision and that it was probably for the best, even though he would miss doing katas greatly, for they helped him to calm down.

"You are now dismissed as well, my son," Splinter said gently. "You need a good rest to undertake this challenge. I suggest that during the week, you should try talking to your brothers. You aren't giving them quite the credit they deserve, and if you talk things out with each of them, I'm sure it will become easier."

"Yes Father," Leonardo said, "Good night."

"Goodnight, Leonardo," Splinter said as Leonardo exited the dojo.

Leonardo shut the door to the dojo and made his way up to his room, not noticing his immediate younger brother who was still behind the pillar. Raphael watched his brother enter the room upstairs next to his own and shut the door before coming out into the light from the faint light from the tv Michelangelo had yet again forgotten to turn off.

Raphael eyed his brother's door, determination flooding through his mind. _Leo's got it all wrong if he thinks we resent him that much_, he thought. He was sure of it; he wasn't going to let Leonardo go at this alone. He made his way silently up to his Leonardo's bedroom door, wanting to go in and set his brother straight on a few things, but when he got there he heard whispered cursing through the door that border on turning into a sob. Raphael pulled back. _Leo's still too worked up from just telling Splinter. If I went in now and told him I heard all that... he'd deck me faster than could blink, and that'd only make things worse_. Raphael silently went to his own room and noticed for the first time at how much sound the thick brick walls of their sewer abode could block out. Dropping into his hammock, he decided he's try to talk to Leonardo tomorrow.

* * *

**Midnight: **And that was my mix of 2003 & live-action Splinter. I relate to Leonardo more, thus why he's my favorite turtle, and since I carry a lot of weight on my shoulders too, I can understand just how much he hides from his brothers when it comes to those types of things. And as for the whole jungle thing: Raphael gets a lot of sympathy from the 4th movie, but you'd be surprised how little Leonardo gets! (Though I assume it's due to his cocky and arrogant portrayal that was aforementioned above that is the cause). Can you imagine how hard it must have been in the jungle? Hiding away from people who fear you even though they need your help and appreciate it, getting the bad guys who will probably tell others they saw you which makes poachers and who knows who else come after you and try to hunt you, plus dealing with jungle wildlife and finding food while staying hidden, not to mention you're over 5000 miles away from your friends and family and don't even know how you're supposed to go about becoming a better leader and hoping not to go back a failure? That's a pretty full plate, if you ask me. That weight is also where this fic got the title, by the way.


	2. Crazy Coincidences

**Title:** A Big Brother's Weight

**Author: **MidnightRosePrincess

**Summary:** One night, Raphael overhears a lecture between Leonardo & Splinter. Confusion about what he hears from his older brother press him to try and understand the brother he so often forgets is behind the role of leader.

**Warning: **This is a regular brotherly fic. But if you're a Turtlecest fan, then I guess you could interpret it like that in a way, depending on your perspective. I'm not really into Turtlecest that much, so don't expect kissing or other 'actions' in the fic. Of course, I'm not offending anyone who is, and if you read this fic and you are a TCest fan, tell me what you think about it anyway (except don't flame me). I just see them as the coolest group of brothers ever and that's all they need to be for me.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own TMNT and I never will. They belong to Laird and Eastman, as well as other copyright holders (IGN for the 4th movie).

**Midnight's Note:** Hey everyone! Sorry it took me so long to update, but I had surgery on my mouth that put me out of commission to do anything except sleep and drink liquids for two weeks. For those whom it may concern, I'm all right and recovering nicely (though I admit, having no carbonated drinks in two weeks is utter torture-I want my Coca-Cola!). Your reviews made me happy, especially your agreements with me on Leo and Splinter. Seems I'm not the only one who isn't fond of characterization decay. ANYWAY, read on my readers, and keep sending me nice reviews (they keep me motivated).

* * *

**Chapter 2: Crazy Coincidences**

Raphael woke up late in the afternoon, much to his dismay. Although, he should have guessed he was going to. He was used to having late nights playing vigilante with Casey or tuning his bike in secret, away from Splinter's ever-constant gaze (for the ways of ninja were that of silence, and motorcycles-and anything else motorized-'howled' as Splinter put it). Because of this, he usually slept until this time of day, or, and in Leonardo's absence, all day. Apparently, old habits were hard to break.

He got up from his hammock and sighed. He'd planned to get up early like Leonardo usually did and talk with him then, before their younger brothers woke up. He knew it would be incredibly strange for Donatello and Michelangelo to see the two of their older, usually fighting brothers alone in a room together. No doubt, they'd be terrified that a huge fight would break out where they couldn't interfere and influence the situation to mellow over.

_Too late now_, Raphael thought, _Might as well go along with it_. He tied his bandanna and put on his pads before putting his sais into place and exiting his room. Taking a glance at Leo's door, he jumped down from the second level, landing on all fours. He stood and looked to see that for once, Mikey wasn't playing video games or watching the tv while sitting on the couch. He did, however, hear tinkering from Donatello's nearby lab. He walked over, stopping in the doorway to see Donatello going back and forth between a pile of what Raphael called junk and some blueprints.

"Hey Don, where's Mikey?" he asked.

"He's at April's," Donatello said, not looking up from his work.

"What's he doin' there this time o' day?"

"Oh, Angel's visiting again and asked him over for pizza and a video game challenge," Donatello replied, giving a small smile.

Raphael smirked knowingly, "You think he's gonna realize how much she digs him yet?"

**(Author's Note: I know that some might not like that pairing, but a friend of mine does, and since she's so ecstatic about me writing a TMNT fic, I thought I'd humor her by mentioning it.)**

"Not any time soon," the genius replied. He took one last look at his work before growling. "Darn it, of all the things I don't have, it has to be a regular Edison cable," he said grumpily. "I'm gonna go ask April if she help me get one." He grabbed the blueprints and Raphael made way as the purple-clad turtle rushed by him and out of the lair. "I'll be back later!" Donatello said just as the lair's brick door closed.

Raphael blinked at the deadly silent and empty lair. _You gotta be kiddn' me... That's one shell of a coincidence. But I'm not complainin'_. Just then, his Shell Cell buzzed. Raphael picked it up and answered it.

"Hey Raph!" It was Casey.

"Hey Case, what's goin' on?" Raphael asked.

"I was goin' to tell you that I can't go out tonight. The hockey championship's on the tv tonight. Can't miss it."

"'K," Raphael said. "Believe it or not, I don't think I'm goin' out tonight either."

"For real?" Casey asked. "Why not?"

"Let's just say there's some family issues I gotta help with," Raphael said, low so that no one in the quiet lair could hear him (well, except for Splinter, who had really acute ninja hearing).

"With who? Mike's here stuffing his face with pizza with Angel-" there was a pause as a window or a door opened and traces of April's voice were heard before Casey continued, "-and now Don's here, too."

"It's Leo," Raphael answered.

"Oh," Casey replied, knowing well from Raphael's rants and their talks on the rooftops what the usual deal was between the two eldest brothers. "What's up with him?"

Raphael sighed, "That's what I'm goin' ta find out. Wish me luck, 'cuz this isn't my territory."

"I hear that," Casey said. "Anyway, tell me how it goes later, 'k?"

"A'ight Case," Raphael said, "Catch ya later." He hung up the Shell Cell and started to make his way back upstairs, contemplating how he'd get Leonardo to talk to_ him_, of all people.

He reached Leonardo's room and took a deep breath before knocking. "Hey Leo, it's me. Ya got a second?"

The door opened to reveal Leonardo, who looked worn and yet confused about why Raphael was at his door. "What is it, Raph?" he questioned.

"Could I come in?" Raphael said, well aware that if he said what he wanted to talk about now, Leonardo would shut the door and it'd just make things worse. When his response was an arched eye ridge, he elaborated, "I need to talk to ya."

Leonardo considered for a moment before nodding, and making way for Raphael to come in, shutting the door behind the red-clad turtle. "What do you need to talk about?" Leonardo asked, not used to Raphael coming to him for a conversation. He was used to Mikey, even though the energetic kid brother was closer to Raphael, and he would always listen to Donatello's latest ideas for an invention since he was the only one out of their quartet who wouldn't jest at his inventions. Raphael's way of speaking was usually through action, which was usually a fight. Even now, he was preparing himself for one, even though after last night, he doubt he could deal with one.

"About last night," Raphael ventured, already feeling the tension.

"Last night?" Leonardo asked, nervously hoping that Raphael didn't mean the first thing that had come to Leonardo's mind.

"Yeah." Raphael sighed before saying, "I'm gonna be honest with ya, Bro. I heard Splinter's lecture last night."

"You... heard that?" Leonardo asked, panicking in his mind.

"I had a front row seat, Leo," Raphael said, finally turning around to face the elder.

"You eavesdropped?" Leo hissed, anger flirting through his emotions.

"Because I was worried about ya," Raphael said, making sure the motive was known.

Leonardo blinked before calming down a bit, smiling ruefully in spite of himself. "I thought Mikey was the one that made you worry."

Raphael smirked. "Usually, yeah, but last night ya weren't yer usual self during katas, and then I found out why."

Leonardo went over to sit on his blue bedspread and sighed. "No one was supposed to hear that," he muttered, hanging his head.

"Don't work yaself into a panic attack," Raphael said. "I was the only one who heard. Don an' Mikey were asleep an' I haven't told anyone what ya said."

A bit of the tension seemed to ease out of Leonardo at that. "Well then, what are you here for? Want to brag?" he asked sarcastically.

"No way, Bro," Raph said, coming to sit next to him. "Ta be honest, I want ta get a few things through to yer head and hope ya don't try to deck me. Not to mention ask ya a few things."

Leonardo smiled at that, but nodded. "Well, what's your first question?"

* * *

**Midnight:** I know, a cliff-hanger. I'm evil, right? I just want to make sure that I get them as much in character as they can be in a fic like this and really, if you watch close enough in the series: Leonardo sighs A LOT more than you'd expect. The only time I didn't see him sigh was when that Renet's staff didn't work and he did a facepalm out of irritation. LOL. Anyway, lastly, I'd like to specifically reply to you who reviewed. I don't know why, but I can't do it in the beginning of a fic like most authors do: it messes with my fanfic layout.

***To Livi-Love:** I'm the only one of my pals who has Leo as a favorite if they like TMNT at all, so it's good I'm meeting more Leo-lovers like you here on ffnet. And I agree with you, Raph's role in the movie was understandable, but he did some things wrong and so too did Leo. Both made mistakes that didn't out-weigh the others.

***To Party-Shoes16:** Hope this update was quick enough for you. Glad to know my views aren't that out there on the movie.

***To majorbookluver:** First of all, love your pen-name. 2nd of all, like I've said, it's glad to know my views on Splinter weren't that outlandish.

***To Alluring Alliteration:** I'm glad my fic is giving you a new perspective on Leo. For people who can't really relate with him, they sort of treat him like a stranger and find it hard to see behind the usual behavior. So since I do see Leo's side, it's great when I can get others to understand him a bit more.

***To nata92: **You have three siblings? Wow, just like Leo. Still, you should keep your siblings as close as you can, and don't forget that sometimes, they feel bad when they actually see you get into trouble when they feel guilty. I've never met your siblings so I can't say for sure, but since you seem so nice I bet they do care.

***To ponygirl-loves-mcqueen: **Your review definitely made me laugh :D Glad to see a Raph-lover in the midst of us Leo-lovers, too. So let me know if I get Raphael too out of character. Though, since he is a softie, showin' his big brother some love isn't gonna be so hard in this fic. (Raph comes up and whacks her too.) And since we both got wacked, here's a cookie. (munches happily on cookies together w/ you).

***To LenniluvsBrian: **Really? A good start? I actually kinda don't like the 1st chapter much. This one's better. But thanks anyway!

***To The Dragon's Scribe:** Wow, and I thought I was mad at Splinter. And really? A type of item? At first I only thought that was a cliché saying in films with plots of these types-it's a given line to say. But when I rewatch the dvd and listen again to the tone he said it in, I really get what you're saying. And don't die from waiting! Here's the update but please don't Dieeeee! (snaps back to normal) :)


	3. Breaking the Ice

**Title: **A Big Brother's Weight

**Author:** MidnightRosePrincess

**Summary:** One night, Raphael overhears a lecture between Leonardo & Splinter. Confusion about what he hears from his older brother press him to try and understand the brother he so often forgets is behind the role of leader.

**Warning: **This is a regular brotherly fic. But if you're a Turtlecest fan, then I guess you could interpret it like that in a way, depending on your perspective. I'm not really into Turtlecest that much, so don't expect kissing or other 'actions' in the fic. Of course, I'm not offending anyone who is, and if you read this fic and you are a TCest fan, tell me what you think about it anyway (except don't flame me). I just see them as the coolest group of brothers ever and that's all they need to be for me.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own TMNT and I never will. They belong to Laird and Eastman, as well as other copyright holders (IGN for the 4th movie).

**Midnight's Note: **So I finally come back from my impromptu hiatus and get back on track with some of my stories. Sorry for the wait, but... what can I say? Life gets tough and stressful and painful sometimes and you just have to work your way back around to things. For those who waited, thanks again. I went back and edited the first two chapters a bit so my writer's voice, which is a bit different now, wouldn't be as jarring for someone who's reading this fic for the first time and gets blind-sided by differences in the narration. There's a few reviews I want to reply to, but I'll have to do it at the end of the chapter, as per usual.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Breaking the Ice**

Though Raphael had thought himself ready to come and talk to Leonardo, he now realized he probably should have brainstormed what he was going to talk about beforehand instead of just coming in and winging it. He couldn't exactly just ask what was wrong, because if Leonardo's admittance to Splinter was any indication, it was a mix of lots of things going wrong that were weighing on his big brother's mind.

However, his own doubts were making him unsure if he was even the right turtle to be doing this. Maybe he should have gone to Donatello first, but he was already there so he decided he may as well just start out on even ground.

"Well... we are cool about the whole Nightwatcher thing, right?" he asked.

Leonardo seemed surprised at the question, but didn't hesitate to answer. "Yeah, we're cool. Not really sure why you asked that first, though."

"Just levelin' the playin' field, Bro. When I was listenin' in last night, the thing that got to me personally was when ya brought up all these names we, usually I, call you." He paused. This was probably the best thing to start on, since they were the easiest to explain. "I called ya Splinter Jr because, jeez, ya suddenly started acting like a mini-Splinter when we were kids and got all uptight over everything. We didn't need ya to be a mini-Splinter. We got the real deal already, y'know? We just wanted you to be yaself, Leo."

Leonardo had listened with patience, knowing talking with words wasn't Raphael's strong point. At Raphael's words, he remembered he'd started really focusing on his responsibilities back when Splinter first officially named him the leader when they were kids. Looking back, he guess his sudden change in attitude was weirder for his brothers than he had thought. "Well... I guess I just... never saw it that way. Though, you can't tell me that the teacher's pet implication isn't there."

Raphael chuckled. "Oh, it's there alright, just wasn't the main thing we were tryin' to get across to ya. But ya know, goin' from what I heard, it doesn't look like you mind being called Fearless as much."

Leonardo gave a small smile at that. "As I told Splinter, it's a very honorable nickname, especially coming from you all. You just take it too literally sometimes. Everyone had fears, even me."

"Like what? Other than, ya know, the whole The-Shredder-and-every-other-dirtbag-crook-in-NYC that we have to fight all the time getting the one up on us?"

Leonardo shook his head at that one and kept quiet. Raphael wasn't surprised. Leonardo had probably been as calm as he had been so far because he felt the need to reconnect with him and the others after being gone for so long. After all, 2 months back doesn't cure two years of being gone just like that. Raphael made a mental check to come back to that question.

"Then, well, there's that jungle boy comment I made..." Raphael paused. Some of his anger at Leonardo for leaving was not gone yet, but after that night on the roof he was desperate to keep it under control. "Jeez, where do I start with that one? You were gone, Bro. Not even a goodbye, then you stayed one year longer than you should have been, you waltz back in outta nowhere after no letters, and you won't even tell us about it."

Leonardo looked away guiltily and held his arms uncomfortably. "I didn't _get_ to say goodbye, Raph. Splinter just told me out of the blue and said I couldn't tell any of you. I only had two days to get ready. Just enough time to check flight and ship schedules to see where I'd be able to stowaway to get there and look up a few things to look out for in the jungle on the internet so I sort of knew what to expect. Splinter... didn't even really give me an explanation back then. Maybe it was because I was restless after we beat The Shredder and he thought training could release some of that restlessness. Just a part of it might have been to let you and the others function without me hovering over you."

Raphael scoffed. "If that's what he was goin' for, boy did it backfire. Function, pfft. As if. We woke up, went for training and realized ya weren't there. Then Splinter came and told us ya were in Central America for a year. I knew somethin' was off that mornin.' Heh, maybe it was because ya weren't already in the kitchen with yer damn tea."

Leonardo gave a silent chuckle at that.

Now it was Raphael's turn to look down. "I got pretty angry almost right then, though. Partly 'cuz you didn't say goodbye, which now I know wasn't yer fault. Woulda been great to know that back then. Also partly because it was just... like ya ditched us just for some special training, and when ya stopped writin' back, jeez for all we knew ya left for good. I ain't gonna lie; the big world compared to a sewer? Who would come back?"

Leonardo's eyes narrowed at that, deeply affronted as he turned to face Raphael. "I would never ditch you guys like that! I mean, I know I screwed up staying gone for so long, but I was always going to come back! You guys are my family-you're all worth more than anything the jungle or the planet could offer!"

Raphael bit his lip and asked the one question he knew was always in the back of Michelangelo and Donatello's minds as well. "Then why didn't ya come back after that first year, Leo? Why?"

Leonardo visibly winced and put his head in his hands. "I can't tell you that, Raph."

"Why not?" Raphael asked desperately.

"You'll hate me. You, Mickey, and Donnie will hate me. More than any of you already do anyway," he answered nervously.

_"I was training! Training to be a better leader, for you! Why do you hate me for that!" _The echoes from the rooftop fight echoed in Raphael's mind. At the time, Raphael had just skipped over that last bit when he verbally lashed back, saying he didn't want to be led. Avoiding the part that obviously troubled his brother the most, leaving it alone to settle in Leo's head and make an unwelcome home there.

"I don't hate ya, Leo, and neither do they. I'm crap at showin' it, I admit, but I don't hate ya. Ya know when I'm angry stuff just flies out before I can think about it. Even when I'm at my worst, I've never hated ya. I was angry, yeah, and... screw it, I was hurt ok?! You just dropped off the face of the planet, Leo! If any of us pulled a stunt like that ya woulda popped a blood vessel and shook us like rag dolls before groundin' us for life!"

"I'm well aware that I'm a hypocrite, Raph," Leonardo replied evenly. Now he was avoiding the issue. He and Raphael really were alike.

Raphael wasn't having it. "Don't do that, Leo. Don't try ta run away and change the subject. That's cowardly, and even if you're a hypocrite sometimes, the one thing I know ya never are is a coward."

Some part of him expected Leonardo to rise at the slightest insinuation of cowardice, even if it was mostly coming from himself. The fact that he didn't and just stayed quiet was a signal flag to Raphael. If Leonardo wasn't rising to it, then that meant Leonardo was consciously running away from something, though Raphael didn't know if it was just this or something else that happened in the jungles of Central America. However, he knew he wouldn't ever know unless he tried.

Raphael reached out and put a hand on Leonardo's shoulder. "Leo, bro... ya told Splinter that you felt far away from us, right? Well, the only way you're gonna get any closer is if ya stop running away from whatever's bothering ya. I'm tryin' to build a bridge here, Leo, but ya gotta meet me halfway, all right?"

He waited, and still didn't get an answer from Leonardo. Strangely though, since normally he would get angry and start demanding Leonardo spill it, now he felt he had more control over himself than he had in years. He had a feeling he knew why, too.

"Ya know..." Raphael said, quieter, "I remember a time when we could tell each other anything, back when we were kids. Before my temper got so bad. Before you were leader. I want that back, Leo. Don't you?"

It took a few moments, but he felt a shudder go through Leonardo, who slowly put his hands down into his lap, though he didn't look up.

"I... miss that too, Raph," Leonardo whispered. He sighed. "I... I didn't come back because... I couldn't."

"What stopped you?" Raphael asked quietly.

"I couldn't come back a failure. I was sent there to get better, but even after a year, if anything, I felt worse than before. That restlessness just got worse and I didn't feel any stronger and if I came back the same, Splinter..." Leonardo trailed off before starting up again. "There were other things too, that prevented me from coming back, some of them my fault, some of them not, and when I finally felt like I was getting better, I thought you'd all hate me for being gone so long so I stayed even longer and..."

"Hey, slow down, Leo," Raphael said, squeezing Leonardo's shoulder. "You're goin' a hundred miles a minute but you're bein' pretty vague. But, y'know... I think I figured out the answer to my earlier question."

Leonardo tilted his face to look at his younger brother from the corner of his eye.

"You're afraid of failing."

Leonardo let out a bitter chuckle. "You make it sound so simple."

"We got time for ya to explain it ta me. Our bros are over at April and Casey's, stuffin' their faces with pizza, and, since Angel's stopped by, are probably goin' to spend the night or come back late." He gave a weak smile. "Ya need to talk about it anyway, Bro. If it's been botherin' ya this long, no amount of meditating is gonna make it go away."

Leonardo nodded. "You're right."

Raphael grinned. "I have my moments."

Leonardo gave a small laugh. "Yeah, I know you do. Just takes a while," he replied.

_Maybe I can do this_, Raphael thought. That deadpan sense of humor was just so_ Leo_, and that bit of familiarity told him he was doing something right.

* * *

**Midnight:** And there you have it for the third chapter. It went differently than what I had drafted down, but when the characters kinda start telling you what needs to be done, you listen. Next chapter Leonardo reveals about some his time in Central America and more. Now onto a few reviewers to reply to.

***To zenonaa:** Glad you liked chapter two. The main focus of this story will of course be the brothers as a family, but who knows? Maybe more awaits for Angel and Mikey therein.

***To majorbookluver: **Leo took things well at first because, after being gone, he really is desperate to mend his bonds with the little brothers he cares about so much, but every Leo fan knows that his insecurities can make lots of things difficult for him. Mikey is usually the most sensitive to this and recognizes it, so he's going to have more trouble trying to explain it to Raph.

***To Lone Warrior2: **I still see the Splinter in the 2007 movie as a tad too harsh. I know that him closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, making things clear to Raph and such were meant to just be as you described them, but the way it was done was just not exactly done too well. The deleted scenes, I think, do show him as not as harsh and I very much love the original opening for the film much more than what was in the final version. I don't get why they took out parts they did, even though the commentaries tell a bit over why. The original ending was a bit better, I think. They say they took it out to not detract from the turtles, but that's... silly. It showed Raph and Leo had talked things out elsewhere, and didn't leave Casey and April's situation hanging. *shrugs* I know what the film was going for with some of its moments, and I'm not saying Splinter's completely heartless (how could he be, he's voiced by Mako) but I just think it was executed very poorly and as such suffered for it.


End file.
